Have you ever had a conversation with a person and it suddenly went out of control? You found that things were being said that hurt deeply, cut painfully. And the things that were said hurt so much because there was truth in them. The old adage goes, "The Truth Hurts". I wish it didn't. There's another old taunt that echoes around school playgrounds, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me." I strongly disagree. Words can cut like poison-tipped blades, cutting deep to the core of your inner being.
I had one of those conversations today. It was painful. But despite almost every inch of me wanting to rise up and defend myself, thinking that it was undeserved and unfair, there was some truth in what was said. They have forced me to take a very deep look inside of myself. A look that is necessary.
I have found that I am selfish. I lead - but not always like Jesus. I come across as too harsh or too demanding. I come across as looking down on others. I need to be kept humble. I put people on guilt trips. I like living and moving in my little circle of friends. I seldom sit with anyone else at dinner. I like my comfort zone. I'm not a superhuman. I'm not a legend. I'm just Murray.
I have been trying in my own strength to be a better person. No wonder I have failed miserably. I need Jesus' strength in me. And this is my prayer:
That You would forgive me for the times I fail. The times I am less than who You have called me to be. The times I come across as aloof. The times I make judgments. Forgive me Father. I'm a sinner. May I know Your healing power in my life. May I know Your grace. May I extend this grace and forgiveness to others. I thank You that You accept me as I am - imperfect as that may be. May I show the same acceptance that You have shown me to those I come into contact with here. Help me to step out of my own little bubble. May I be a leader focused solely on You. May I be like Christ in every circumstance. Thank you Lord God.
That is my prayer today.
(For my first apology click here.)
