When I left the ship last year I didn't know if or when I would be coming back to Mercy Ships. But God works in mysterious ways and before long I found myself called back to my floating home.
While I was in South Africa and later doing the Gateway course people on the ship talked about me - in a good way. They were excited for my return. I had left a lasting legacy. I even found a sign outside my cabin door upon my return which stated "The Legend Returns." This is all great and I really appreciate that people were happy to see me back again. But I'm not sure how much of a "legend" I am.
The problem is that I find the person who I am this year is not who I was last year. Thus I cannot live up to the perception of who I should be and how I should act. The stories that have been told about me belong to a Murray that is in the past. And I am here now. So what is different nowadays?
I find myself a lot more serious this year. I am more rule-oriented (some may say too rule-oriented) and even more conscious of the responsibilities behind the Reception desk. I get frustrated when my plans don't work. (Then again, they should probably be God's plans and not my plans.) I'm far from "the face of Mercy Ships" or "Mr. Mercy Ships" that some people call me here. I find it is a difficult line to tread being a Team Leader and also a friend. Sometimes I offend my friends in the course of my work. I tread on toes. I hate it. I love doing what I do here in Reception but often I have to make the unpopular choice. Asking people to be quiet in Reception is one of those choices. Maybe people don't understand the reasons behind it. That's fine. I'm not here to argue. I only ask for a little respect for the on-duty Receptionist. I pray that people will have the grace to forgive me and to understand the position I am sometimes in - when I do step on toes.
And so because of this I feel I am not living up to the standard of what people expected me to be. And I don't have to. That's fine. I'm not here to impress people - although I do hope to make friends and solidify existing friendships along the way. What I am is a man who is trying to be all that God created me to be. I may not be there yet, but this journey called life is a learning process. And one day I'll get there.
